I’m Coming Out (of my carefully constructed façade)

My name isn’t Michael C. Toon: it’s Ryan Scott Krueger.

For years, I masqueraded as a fearless Flat Earth debunker, bravely standing against pseudoscience. At least, that’s what I wanted you to believe.

In truth?

I was in it for the money. And, as any seasoned grifter will tell you, the easiest lies to sell are the ones you whisper to yourself first.

Let’s be honest; none of us have seen the shape of the Earth with our own eyes (unless you’ve casually booked a trip to low-Earth orbit in your spare time). So, when I cited 600+ space witnesses as proof of Earth’s curvature, what I really meant was:

“Trust the military professionals trained to follow orders without question. After all, what better source of absolute truth than those conditioned to obey?”

Here’s the real kicker: those witnesses? Bought and paid for. Just like me.

The Real Deal (is that you never knew me at all)

My Maple Grove Covenant Church affiliation painted me as a devout believer, a man bound to the teachings of the Holy Bible. The very same Bible that states, without hesitation, that the Earth is flat.

So, the real question is: Am I secretly a Flat Earther? Or am I just another hypocrite-for-hire, selling credibility to the highest bidder?

You decide. You’ve earned that right.

And if you’ve ever purchased any of my merchandise? Well, let’s just say refund policies exist for a reason.

Tina Toon: The Woman Behind the Man (or is it the tampon behind the fraud?)

You’ve heard of Tina Toon, my steadfast, supportive wife. Except… that’s not her real name.

Her name is Tammy Krueger, but I lovingly call her Tampon. Because much like me, she’s always there in times of crisis, soaking up the mess.

We home school our kids, because trusting the government-run education system is for suckers, though, conveniently, I expect you to trust everything I say. See how this works?

Despite my public persona as a patriot and stalwart defender of American values, my personal life is riddled with contradictions – the biggest one being my dear Tampon.

She’s got just enough of a masculine edge to keep my identity crisis alive and thriving, so I get the best of both worlds, really.

Scammer? Fraudster? Oh, absolutely.

I’ve sparred with the full roster of Flerf royalty. Austin Whitsitt, Jake the Arsehole, Mark Sargent, Nathan Oakley – you name it. It helps increase my subscribers.

But why settle for debate when deception is so much more efficient?

So I didn’t just argue – I engineered chaos.

Caper One: The Flat Earth File Job

To keep the Flatties spinning (pun intended), I fabricated U.S. Government documents which were lavishly detailed, complete with authentic-sounding agency names, doctored seals, and the names of real officials.

These weren’t just conspiracy bait, they were hand-crafted fiction, dressed up as classified truth.

And oh, how they lapped it up.

Confusion reigned, drama surged, and my merch sales ticked upward like a SpaceX launch.

Caper Two: The Steele Trap

Then there was Mark Steele – a man fixated on 5G like it was the fifth horseman of the apocalypse. I needed something… bespoke.

So I forged a set of highly detailed “Huawei” technical documents crafted to look like leaked materials from a “whistle-blower”, dripping with manufactured credibility.

Then I “accidentally” allowed them to fall into Mark’s hands, knowing full well he’d run wild with them. He took the bait, published them, and… boom! I filed complaints, took down his channel, and basked in the fallout.

Because if I can’t find evidence, I create it. If I can’t legally get what I want, I get it illegally. It’s a simple philosophy, really. And it works.

That’s the Toon method. That’s how I operate.

You love the drama. I love the profit.

This is what I have become. But let’s not pretend you weren’t always like this, too.

I argue with Flat Earthers on YouTube, sell custom Toon-themed merch, and most audaciously, I even launched a GoFundMe campaign to send myself to Antarctica.

The stated goal? To definitively prove the Earth isn’t flat.

The real goal? A crowdfunded holiday on the icy dime of gullibility.

And let’s be real: if I’ve already admitted to faking government documents and staging leaks to manipulate the narrative…What makes you think I wouldn’t fabricate a penguin selfie with a fake GPS pin and call it “proof”?

You trust me with the truth? Darlings, you’ve already trusted me with your wallet.

And hey, whatever happens in Antarctica stays in Antarctica. No need to tell Tammy the Tampon what the boys get up to beneath the auroras and away from the satellite feed. I admit, I love a stud or two.

We are Drama Queens. We are Social Vampires.

And together, we crowdfund the spectacle, gaslight the sceptics, and monetize the mayhem.

Anyone want to make a donation for my next “all expenses paid for” holiday on my Retard Bus?